Marietta Mehanni

My Inner Demon

My Inner Demon, blog, Marietta Mehanni, mindset, group fitness instructor

Written by Marietta

June 8, 2020

Reflecting on Life BC (Before Covid) and Beyond

Like most people around the globe, everything completely changed for me when Covid-19 lockdown came in. My usual daily routine evolved to a new rhythm. It has now been long enough for me to have looked at my life BC (before Covid) and how I want to live my life moving forward. Things like being single, childless, and having no family responsibilities have made my isolation easier.

But… I did find my inner demon.

The Struggle Within

The term “inner demon” came when I had some challenging weeks. I had been sticking to a very rigid routine, and I was getting frustrated with myself when I started feeling tired and flat. Feeling flat is okay for some people, but I can’t stand it when it’s me. No amount of “you are normal” or “you will be okay” from well-meaning people made it any better. In fact, it caused me even more inner turmoil. I was really annoyed with myself. I was annoyed that I struggled to get out of bed and kept resetting the alarm. Peeved that I had the attention span of a fly. Angry that I was messy – it’s odd. And it all culminated in a message to my friend Amy in the US (we do this daily) with a yell, “I think that I’m in the midst of my inner demon.” Grrrr.

The Power of Naming It

It was exactly what I needed to do. I needed to name it. Needed to accept that I was mad at nothing but myself. In fact, it made me laugh later when Amy used the term back to me, having found her “inner demon.” It’s hilarious now as we use the phrase back and forth when we are not our best selves. I have two terms now – Vegemite (you must read an earlier blog post about this) and inner turmoil. For some peculiar reason, giving what I was feeling a name made me feel better. That weird “I can’t describe how I am feeling” now has a name, whether it be angry, frustrated, annoyed, or just “blah.”

From Demon to Transformation

My inner demon also helped me focus on what is really important. I have a new routine and do what I like. I really love teaching and have continued doing that. Video editing I enjoy and keep one of my computers constantly on the go with video rendering and uploading. Creating classes, presentations, and workouts, I love, so now I allow myself 2 to 3 hours daily. I enjoy meditation, so I do it 2 or 3 times a day.

So now, when I set up my cameras, phones, computers, and equipment for my daily classes that I can teach from home, I thank my inner demon for helping me discover what I want to do. What makes me really happy, rather than what I think I “should” be doing. Thank you, inner turmoil, for the clarity I needed to have for a very long time.

Embracing a Positive Mindset and Moving Forward

In the midst of our inner demons, it’s crucial to remember that we have the power to shape our mindset and take productive steps toward a brighter future. Maintaining a positive attitude can be a game-changer even when facing challenging moments. Here are a few tips to help you navigate through your inner struggles and move forward with a sense of purpose:

1. Self-Compassion: First and foremost, practice self-compassion. Understand that it’s okay to have moments of doubt, frustration, and inner turmoil. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend in a similar situation.

2. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to contact friends, family, or a therapist. Talking about your feelings can provide you with valuable insights and emotional support. Remember, you’re not alone in your struggles; seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

3. Mindfulness and Meditation: Incorporate mindfulness and meditation practices into your daily routine. These techniques can help you become more self-aware, manage stress, and find inner peace. They are excellent tools for navigating through moments of turmoil.

4. Set Realistic Goals: When you feel overwhelmed, break your goals into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how minor they may seem. This can boost your self-esteem and motivation.

5. Embrace Change: I discovered that inner turmoil sometimes leads to profound changes in our lives. Be open to change and explore new passions and activities that bring you joy. Embracing change can lead to personal growth and a more fulfilling life.

6. Stay Connected: Maintain connections with loved ones. Isolation can exacerbate inner turmoil, so nurturing relationships can provide a sense of belonging and support during tough times.

7. Practice Gratitude: Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Regularly remind yourself of the things you’re thankful for in your life. Focusing on the positive aspects can help shift your perspective.

8. Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that nobody is perfect, and setbacks are a part of life. Accept that progress may be slow and setbacks are temporary. Perseverance is key.

Remember, your inner demon is a natural part of the human experience. It’s a sign that you’re growing and evolving. By approaching your struggles with mindfulness and a positive mindset, you can use these moments as opportunities for self-discovery and personal development. Ultimately, your inner demon may be the catalyst for a more meaningful and fulfilling life journey.


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  1. This is another great example of your openness and willingness to share your journey, the ups and downs and the aha moments.

    It is terrific to see that by labelling your emotions, that you have found your present moment and your place of strength.
    You are an amazingly strong women and your extension to fellow instructors across Australia to have a safe place to share our journeys through Covid has been a attributed to your professionalism and we all thank you.
    Thanks for sharing your journey and congratulations on what you have done for so many people to help them get through the Covic isolation.
    You MM are a legend and a wonderful, generous and terrific person. one of the best instructors in Australia and I’m sure parts of the world.

  2. Great read! Loved it….

  3. Great that you have clarity on what you enjoy doing and focussing on that. Awesome to have learned more tech skills too. All to our benefit! Thank you.

  4. Donna, Lee and Gemma, thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to read my blog 🙂

  5. Good blog!

  6. great blog, insightful and real. Thanks for sharing !

  7. Thank you so much Marietta, for opening up and sharing your ‘Inner Demon’ with us. I, for one, really needed to be reminded of your 8 tips today – words that help stabilize and ground us in our own tumultuous lives! So grateful to have you and your program in my life! x

    • This is great feedback Andrea and glad that blog hit the spot for you today.


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