Over the past few months this has been a statement that keeps popping into my head, having had my own personal experience with a long term relationship break up. In fact, writing this actually makes me nervous in allowing myself to be so exposed, so I guess it is part of my own discovery process (a bit like ripping off a bandaid). So what does this mean, how does it affect our lives, and how does it help us grow and learn?
I am not an expert in life by any stretch of the imagination, but one thing that I believe that I am learning is the importance of assessing what is healthy. Clearly I understand that exercise is important to be healthy and having the appropriate amount with the measured dose of intensity is part of that process. I know that eating healthy is necessary to feel good and maintain a healthy body so that it can be the engine that allows me to fulfil my goals and dreams. Meditating and journaling as well as reading books and listening to audio lectures on personal development and growth helps me to put things into to perspective and quietens my mind to ensure clear focused thoughts.
So now the question of whom I spend time with, allow myself to interact with and share my thoughts, dreams and laugh with has made me question if my relationships are ‘healthy’.Am I my authentic self when I am with this person? Do I hold back thoughts and feelings because I am concerned about how the other person will respond? Do I accept to be treated less than what I would expect from other loved ones? Do I treat them with less respect that I would with other loved ones because of the way I am perceiving that I am being treated? Who am I when I am with this person, and do I believe that this relationship nourishes my heart, mind and soul?
I honestly believe that:
- Relationships change over time – they deepen or they become false and shallow
- Other people can’t ‘make us feel’ a particular way. In fact we are 100% responsible for how we feel
- If I feel that I am being wronged, then I have been 100% part of that process, whether I allowed it to happen, looked the other way and put my head in the sand, or simply hoped it would change
- I choose my relationships – they don’t choose me
- Finally, relationships serve a purpose and the reason why we began our relationship (friends, lovers or business partners) may not be the reason why a relationship will continue as we all change and evolve as we get older
Trust me, I am not sitting back now with analytical mind assessing if the people who are now in my life are healthy for me, in fact I am using a much gentler process in listening to my heart and intuition. That would be my biggest discovery over the past few months. I knew, deep down that something was not quite right. I knew the answers to those questions I mentioned previously. I knew what was going to happen, and the best part is that I knew that I was going to be ok. So moving forward, and I don’t want to be a slow learner in my life, I am going to listen to my heart and my gut and look forward to more rewarding, happy and finally healthy relationships.